


stop breaking down.

by BenAmidala



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:11:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6586693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenAmidala/pseuds/BenAmidala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kylo's good at dwelling on the past and always being afraid</p>
            </blockquote>





	stop breaking down.

He never let you hold him like this. Even on his worst days. He had something to prove to everyone, _including_ you. He pushed it all down until it came out in explosions of rage. He was good at that. Kylo made love to you tonight, rather than primal fucking as he so often did, but it was different this time. With his face buried in your chest, he confessed to you. He told you everything. You could feel his lips move against your bare skin as he told you about Han and Leia. He told you about Snoke and Luke. He told you about himself. He confessed to leading the Knights of Ren into killing all of his fellow padawans. He confessed about how it haunted him every night. He confessed to killing his father. There was nowhere for him to bury that. He told you it was always there, wherever he was, at the surface of his mind. He wanted to take it back and that made him weak.

You couldn't do anything but stroke your fingers across his scalp and tell him you forgave him. For what? You didn't know. But it was good enough for him as he ghosted his calloused fingers over the soft skin of your belly, relishing in the rhythm of your heart against his face.

  
"I miss my mother." He whispered softly. "I didn't see her that much, but she was around more than my- than _Han_."

  
"What was she like?" You asked curiously, curling a strand of his hair around your finger.

  
You felt his lips pull into a smile against your skin. You wished there was light so you could see it for yourself, but you settled for imagining the sight in your head, a soft smile spreading across your own face.

  
"She was nice. She used to sing to me. Old songs she said she learned from her home planet, Alderaan. I miss her." Kylo furrowed his brow, and he goes to shake his head as if to push away the thoughts, but he settles back down against you. "What are you doing to me?"

  
That catches you a bit off guard. What were you doing? Your thoughts flickered to his hair and you momentarily wondered if he didn't like this after all. You thought it was soothing when he did it to you. You went to retract your hand but Kylo sighed. "That's not what I meant."

  
Kylo gets up this time. He leans over you, putting his weight on his forearms and you can actually see his face now. His face is still flushed and sticky with sweat and his hair is an absolute disaster, and you almost actually feel bad for ruining its natural perfection. 

  
He leans closer, only a hairsbreadth away from kissing you, and his eyes are wide open as he watches you. "You've made me weak."  
Your forehead wrinkles in confusion. "Love isn't weakness." You frown.

  
"Love is weakness." He says almost instantly. "That was what killed my grandfather."

  
"That's not-" You stopped. You didn't want to fight with him. Not now. "Okay, Kylo. I'll leave."

  
You went to get out of his bed, but Kylo still has you caged in. He's still staring down at you as if he's trying to figure out what's going on in your head. You almost snicker at the thought because why would have done that when he could have easily prodded your mind like he did everyone else? You tried to get up again, but Kylo is still frozen.

  
"I upset you." He says at length. "I didn't mean to."

  
Kylo lowers his head so he can catch your lips in a soft kiss, that reminds you of earlier tonight. Your soft hands come up between you two so you can rub your thumbs over his face and you can feel the wetness on his cheeks. When he realizes you can tell, he pulls away and he sinks down again and pushes his face back against your breasts and you can feel his tears there too.  
"I don't want you to leave, too." He mutters.

  
You wrap your arms around him, one hand in his hair while the other hand ran over the scarred skin of his back. You sotly shushed him, pulling him as close to you as you could.

  
_"I won't leave you."_

**Author's Note:**

> i thought i'd give this a try. might make something bigger out of it if anyone's interested. sry kylo's a big sap, i just imagine he'd be much more open with his lover


End file.
